The Big Bing: Black Holes of Time Management, Gaseous Executive Bodies, Exploding Careers, and Other Theories on the Origins of the Business Universe

The Big Bing: Black Holes of Time Management, Gaseous Executive Bodies, Exploding Careers, and Other Theories on the Origins of the Business Universe

Stanley Bing

Language: English

Pages: 368

ISBN: 0060529555

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


A mandatory addition to the library of everyone who
works for a living (or would like to).

For twenty years, Stanley Bing has offered insight, wisdom, and advice from inside the belly of one of the great corporate beasts. In one essential volume, here is all you need to know to master your career, your life, and, when necessary, other weaker life forms.

Bing knows whereof he speaks. He has lived the last two decades working inside a gigantic multinational corporation, kicking and screaming all the way up the ladder. During that time, he has seen it all -- mergers, acquisitions, layoffs, the death of the three-martini lunch -- and has himself been painfully reengineered a number of times. He has made a million friends and seen many of them prosper and grow, and sadly seen others sink into consultancy. He has eaten and drunk way too much, stayed in hotels far too good for him, waited for limousines in the pouring rain, and enjoyed it all. Sort of. Most important, Bing has seen management at its best and worst, and he has practiced both as he made the transition from an inexperienced player who hated pompous senior management to a polished strategist who kind of sees its point of view now and then.

Bing's many fans from his days at Esquire and those who enjoy his current column in Fortune know that his take on the workplace is pure storytelling at its best -- sophisticated, amusing, and driven by the kind of insight that only a true insider can possess.

The Big Bing provides a corporate mole's-eye view of the society in which we all live and toil, creating one of the most entertaining, thought-provoking, and just plain funny bodies of work in contemporary letters.

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expenses. Most of those debts came from—guess where?—bad investments! That’s a problem any Enron shareholder or employee can sympathize with. So, no man is completely unworthy of our sympathy. That’s an excellent lesson. Analysts are whores. Yes, incredible as it may seem, people sometimes don’t have the best judgment in the world if they’re being paid both to analyze companies and to finance their deals. That often happens when securities analysts advise management while at the same time

reasons why you’ve earned our enmity and mistrust. You temporarily bridge gaps in our organizations that should be filled by staff. Since the 1980s, the offices you invade have been reamed out for head count not once, not twice, but six or seven times, until everybody is now doing a job that used to be done by dozens of people. Instead of a completely functional employee who could work nights and weekends, here you come to produce a bunch of ideas that we guys on the inside will have to execute.

stand the long ones. You lose track of things. 1998 The following is what I told the authorities about the whole thing that happened between last September 12 and September 15, but I still don’t expect anybody to believe me. Nobody believes anybody anymore, and that’s the darn truth. I suppose it’s because of all those things you see on television that they call reality, but you still don’t believe it because it seems to fake. That kind of makes you doubt everything, and then when something

and then—POW! Suddenly you won’t be working anymore. And no amount of fixing and upgrading after the fact will help, because the world will be Y2K and you won’t be, and tough luck for you, Sparky, because you had plenty of advance notice and just didn’t take things seriously enough to get Y2K when the getting was good. For my part, I’m going to do the following things immedi8ly! Take a very complete inventory. You need to figure out the size of your Y2K problem, starting with all your

the elevators, you have to walk through the jungle area, with hanging ferns and other outsized greenery, then through the heart of the casino, which is beyond enormous and laid out for maximum confusion. Bells are dinging. Lights are flashing. Several apparently dead people are playing slots. I see an ancient Asian woman smoking a two-inch ash. In front of her, a machine is coughing out dollar coins in huge amounts. When it is done, she begins to put the money back into the machine. I drop a

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