Get Thee to a Punnery: An Anthology of Intentional Assaults Upon the English Language
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Get Thee to a Punnery proves that the pun is mightier than the sword . . . and here are sidesplitting puns of every color, stripe and persuasion to suit every whim. Even if you don't know that your humerus is your funny bone, this is the book for you.
to the crews? They all got _______. 72. What happened when the cow tried to jump over the barbed wire fence? ______disaster. 73. A decrepit old gas man named Peter, While hunting around for the meter, Struck a leak with his light: He was blown out of sight. And, as anyone can see by reading this limerick, he also destroyed the _______ . 74. A tutor who tooted the flute Tried to tutor two tooters to toot. Said the two to the tutor, “Is it easier to ______or To tutor two tooters to toot?”
damn,” said Tom rhetorically. Now that you see how the Tom Swifty game works, match each statement in the left-hand column with the profoundly swift adverb in the right-hand column. Answers to all games in this chapter are available in the back of this book. A close cousin to the Tom Swifty is the Croaker, invented by Roy Bongartz. Croakers are like Tom Swifties, except that the verb, rather than the adverb, supplies the pun: • “My pet frog died,” Tom croaked. • “I love cats,” Tom
tractor. In fact. I’m _________. 8. Square plants have _________s. 9. Her name was placed on the ballot by _________. 10. When the acorn grew up into an oak, it exclaimed, “_________!” 11 A child’s face will light up at_________of candy. 12. I bought my mother a book and it _________by parcel post. 13. A banana is sure to make an _________static. 14. You use yarn and needles when _________. 15. That‘s_________ little outfit you’re wearing. 16. The zoid hunter hoped to
In Italy, I took a _________to get to the Vatican. 26. “Please, Rick, say yes. Won’t you _________?” 27. A musical group of lumberjacks plays in _________. 28. I _________love open spaces. 29. Don’t fill the glass above _________. 30. A bunch of cars all smashed together might be called a _________. 31. This priceless book is a first _________. 32. When the weather turns bad, I usually _________. 33. My explanation is perfectly clear. You can _________ you? 34. Cars are
On our nation’s roads and highways you can find still more signs of the times. According to recent surveys, more than two million American motorists own vanity plates. Instead of getting stuck with meaningless, preselected letter-number combinations, more and more car owners are creating their own license plates. These bon motorists use the five or six allotted letters and numbers to adorn their automobiles with succinct puns. Reasons for owning a vanity license plate range from choosing a