Bhagwan: The God That Failed
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
The 'inside' story as told by a man who was one of Bhagwan's most devoted followers, one of his inner circle, and the head of his personal bodyguard.
File notes: tight crop; clearscan; improved earlier version by removing speckled page backgrounds.
or we could suppress and inhibit. Tantra seemed to me to be a wondrous thing. Yet I doubt if I would ever have embraced this path had it not been for Bhagwan. While I listened to his speeches on cassette in the early hours of the day it seemed to me that his words were enchanted, that he was playing an irresistible pied piper's song as he said "Come, follow me". The melody of his words captured my enthusiasm and imagination. He was asking me to dance with him, and he said it in words of love. It
dusk when I began meditating, and an hour later, as I looked up at the emerging stars in the huge canopy of the Indian sky, a satellite streaked by, heading for the Himalayas. It was an elegant omen. I would bid farewell for ever to this dusty place, but first I would walk round it one last time. Before I had walked a hundred yards into the darkness, I felt that something very large and very dangerous was out there. All the hair on the back of my head stood up in terror. I knew it couldn't be a
was during 1 976 that the famous English actor Terence Stamp arrived. He was researching a film based on Gurdjieff's Meetings with Remarkable Men , and wanted to meet Bhagwan. He was the first really famous Westerner to visit Poona, and we were all very excited when he arrived. Several of the ashram women made themselves very conspicuous whenever Stamp appeared . When he attended his first darshan , Bhagwan immediately motioned him to come and sit closer. Eventually Terence was sitting so close
to be the natural confirmation of our friendship. When I proposed to her it was out of love, and certainly not just a matter of convenience. Now Bhagwan was implying that it was to be a temporary arrangement , and not to let ourselves be under any illusion that the marriage was at all important. The only real relationship that Bhagwan acknowledged as important was that between him and his disciples. This was the only bond that actually counted. One day Gayan confided in me that she had been
to them. Later in life I had a strong feeling of resentment, that this too-early assumption of responsibility had somehow cut short my childhood and made me grow up far too soon. Some of my very earliest memories are of being overwhelmed by identical twin brothers, eighteen months younger than me. Together, it appeared to me, they formed a solid front to frustrate me at every turn . I could not be victorious against them both as, like many twins, they had a secret language by which they